31 Comments

  1. I suppose that’s true. Someone who is truly confident wouldn’t feel the need (consciously or subconsciously) to elevate themselves above others, or belittle others … behaviours that are often hallmarks of arrogance.

    Having said that, somone who has their own insecurities may perceive someone else’s confidence as belittling, and thus arrogant, even if that’s not the case.

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  2. It appears to make sense- however, I think confidence can manifest itself in many ways, and not necessarily as kindness, It could be through silence, calm, taking action, being assertive, letting things go etc. And I think people can be kind without being confident, I just don’t think these are the words the message is looking for.  I think it is trying to say something about arrogance- which may or may not stem from unacknowledged insecurities.  I don;t see a kindness and confidence connection at all

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  3. Interesting observations… and I had a little difficulty connecting the kindness to the confidence as well… I’m going to need another cup of coffee to think about this. Thanks for chiming in you guys.
    Happy Wednesday!!

    is she kind or is she confident???
    😉

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  4. Okay I had a cup of coffee and some time to think.
    I think being kind is probably one of the most important things we can do for ourselves and for each other… and I’m not talking about fake kindness and small niceities, I’m talking about practicing true genuine compassion and extending kindness and resolving to make the practice of kindness our personal philosophy.
    And I don’t think someone comes to practicing kindness as second nature without a bit of confidence that it is indeed the right thing to do.

    Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution.
    Kahlil Gibran

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  5. “Arrogance is used by the weak, while kindness is used by the strong.”
    ~Hans F Hansen

    kindness often comes from a place of strength; kindness is a gift with nothing to prove.

    arrogance, in and of itself, is  a weakness (when have you ever heard someone wish they, or someone else, had more arrogance?)
    arrogance often, sadly, walks hand in hand with intelligence.  

    kindness tends to have other partners.  =]

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  6. “A gift with nothing to prove”… you just summed it up in those few words J. Hancock​​.

    Have I reminded you lately how happy and lucky I am to have found you on here?

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  7. Y’all have already done all the heavy lifting. I’ll only add that my perception of confidence is that inner knowing that you’re doing what’s right for you and external validation isn’t necessary. Kindness is very much like that.

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  8. I suppose it depends on what you mean by confidence; the Dunning-Kruger effect suggests that a lot of confidence is merely being able to ignore one’s limitations.

    I’m absolutely certain that it makes more sense to replace confidence with competence.

    Confidence is just the hipster imitation of competence.

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  9. So from my quick study what I have gathered is that “less competent people rate their competence higher than it actually is, while more competent people humbly rate theirs lower.”
    Which would then stand to reason why arrogance may just be masking lack of real knowledge and/or competency….while kindness can evolve from humbleness or even the inability of the extremely competent to view themselves as such.

    This is going to need another pot of coffee.

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  10. BobbieZen mind you, Dunning-Kruger has some problems, like most of the studies that confirm it have been done with subjects that were risking nothing by failure (basically students answering trivia questions).

    It also may be worth asking why we unquestioningly value confidence as a character trait. You’d think we’d value being correct over being certain, both in ourselves and in others.

    (I really loved that whole wite dress vs blue dress kerfluffle from last year…there was an objective reality defined by the chroma in a bunch of pixels, and only one ‘right’ perception. And surely everyone commenting on the subject was aware that there were differing perceptions, which ought to have cast some doubt. Yet everyone in the comment threads seemed to be both absolutely certain and very motivated to make that certainty known, yet nobody seemed interested in actually checking using a simple paint program).

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  11. I can’t see all of the comments, lines to the right are cut off – viewing it in IE and it is broken. so forgive me if I repeat someone.

    can’t speak to arrogance, except that maybe as described it is used as a defense mechanism.

    confidence does breed kindness, I think. when I am feeling my most confident, I also feel generous and empathetic. I am not intimidated by what others think of me. if I approach someone with kindness in my heart, they are often someone in need. someone who is NOT arrogant. someone who is perhaps frowned down on by the better off, or, indeed, arrogant , people. I don’t care what people think, I am going to give and help that individual. I am confident in myself, and in my ability to make a difference.

    it’s all vague. I have been there. conversely, consider this – kindness also breeds confidence. knowing that you are doing it right, being a lightbearer, sooths the soul and fosters contentedness. this makes it easier to be confident in yourself and your choices.

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  12. David Renaud​ both you and Cilla C​ brought up that inner knowing …that choosing kindness was simply the right thing to do.
    It’s that inner knowing that exudes a sense of confidence… whether or not we are completely confident in our abilities, we may be confident that we are at least attempting to practice that which we know to be kindness. It goes right back to the golden rule, “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”.. and I can’t think of anything I crave more than the kindness of others when I’m in a difficult situation myself.
    Thank you for weighing in on the situation..I do very much appreciate your thoughts.

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  13. Stephen L​​, I’m glad you alerted me to that study because I found a few other writings based off that that I’m delving into now.
    I too wonder why confidence is seen as such an elevated trait. Personally, I wonder that because I am someone who has mostly lacked self-confidence throughout my life. Too often I have looked for outside validation when I am learning there was never any need.
    Perception is, well.. always subjective, is it not?
    As for the reasons people wouldn’t go to a simple paint program for the real answer …my only guess is that most people take the shortcut when they’re offered, and having hoards of others agree with them, they go in with greater confidence (not competence) in that their perception is the correct one. Safety in numbers. How often have we seen angry mobs and bandwagoning, all along not necessarily in the right, but in agreement?

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  14. BobbieZen probably better to think of yourself as having enough emotion toughness to acknowledge without despairing that there are practical limitations to perception, memory, and reasoning.

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  15. Precisely the premise, miri dunn​.
    Am I so smart that I doubt my competence and am therefore humble and kind… or am I so stupid that I think I am smarter than everyone else??? Inquiring minds want to know!!!

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  16. I suppose that if you drink the right amount, you can be aware that you’ve reduced your chances of being correct to near enough to zero that you can be confident that you’re wrong.

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  17. Am I so smart that I doubt my competence and am therefore humble and kind… or am I so stupid that I think I am smarter than everyone else???

    Helps to explain Trump’s popularity though, don’t it?

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